


Not 27 Dresses

by collapsingStars



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, I'd Say I'm Sorry but I'm not, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Weddings, planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 21:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collapsingStars/pseuds/collapsingStars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two men try to do the wedding planners/bride's job, Karkat has bitten off more than his brain can chew, and despite worries and reservations, it all turns out in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not 27 Dresses

**Author's Note:**

> I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not, cause I can't be the only person who'd enjoy this mess right?   
> Has nothing to do with 27 Dresses.

"I don't see why i have to wear a dress."  
"Cause you wanted a traditional, human wedding."   
"I didn't think it would entitle all this fucking complicated shit!"  
"Sorry. Hash tag #weddings are complicated shit."   
"You made it seem different, joking around on the stupid meteor."   
"I didn't know I'd be planning a wedding then. And in all honesty, I hadn't done it before then either."   
"So you really know a fuck nothing about what we're supposed to be doing. You're a fucking swell help!"   
"Sorry babe." 

Karkat's head hit the table. Well more like the mound of books, piled high on their coffee table displaying at least 27 dresses, color combos galore, hundreds of different flower arrangements, and caterers and photographers, the list went on and on. Dave rubbed Karkat's back, sitting beside him. Karkat sighed.

"Can't we forget about all this?"   
"Nope." Dave ducked as Karkat swung his claws at him.  
"You weren't even interested in the whole thing to begin with!"  
"That was before you made me get down on one knee."   
"I never made you. You did it entirely of your own accord in the middle of Egbert's fucking party!"   
"I probably wouldn't have done it if I hadn't heard you talking to Maryam, 'Oh I wish Strider would be super fucking romantic and ask me to marry him, though I hate him I PROMISE, the sexy devil like one of my crappy romantic comedies."   
"Fuck you, I do NOT talk like that. And that's not even what I said. How did you even hear that conversation?!"  
"We all lived in the same house then dumbass, before we all decided to go our separate ways. I heard it crossing from Terezi's room."   
"What were you doing in Terezi's room for?" Karkat narrowed his eyes at his matesprit.  
"She's my moirail, I was jamming with her. Now enlighten me. What exactly did you say to Kanaya?"   
Karkat mumbled something below ear-shot.  
"Can't hear you Kitkat, gonna have to speak up."   
"I SAID IT WOULD BE SWEET IF DAVE PROPOSED TO ME!"   
"And in fufilling my dutiful boyfriend duties, I did exactly that. Even went all out and bought us fancy ass rings." Karkat stopped to admire the ring Dave bought him. A gold band with a small cracked ruby set in the gold. The inside inscription said "secured the end" in alternian. Dave's matched with a white diamond. He sighed again.  
"You didn't have to do that either."   
"But I did, and even you have to agree, I did it right. Now you have to fulfill your end of the deal."   
"My end of what deal?"   
"Now you gotta marry me sweet thing."   
"Oh right."   
"You're not getting cold feet on me are you?"   
"No, I just never imagined that marrying you would be this complicated."   
"Well what did you think it's be?" Dave pulled Karkat into his lap.   
"I don't know that either. I thought it was like... I don't know. Why do humans get married anyway?"   
"For some odd, sensible reason people like knowing they belong to one other person for the rest of their lives."   
"Well I know that already, you agreed to be my matesprit."   
"They like letting other people know through ceremonies and rings and parties."   
"But I'm already wearing the fucking ring, and all our fucking friends know. Can we just fuck all this shit?"   
"No."  
"Why not?" Karkat whined, reaching a cultural road block. Dave sighed. This was the problem with dating the tiny alien. Human customs had to be explained to Karkat at length. Christmas, birthdays, president's day, you name it, and 99% of the time he still thought they had no point. Weddings now, even more so. Dave had tried, and couldn't get him to see any reason for any of it, unless it had some sort of romantic entanglement like getting enga... wait. 

"Because," he said nipping in Karkat's ear, surprising him, "I'm selfish. I like the idea of you belonging to me. And because we're god tier, life equals eternity, belonging to each other for eternity." He hummed along Karkat's neck,"I want to own you, officially, personally, spiritually... sexually..." Dave had Karkat riled up, squirming, and breathing erratically. It was so easy when Dave wanted. "You now first hand how selfish I can be. I had hoped," He said pulling away leaning back on his hands," that you would want me the same way. You plan on leaving me stranded someday Kitkat?"   
Karkat spluttered, red faced. "Hell no, I just.." He couldn't get words past his brain.   
"Talk to me then Karkat. Love remember? I count as you moirail too."   
"I know asshat. I don't... just... I never thought... I never plan on leaving you, I want you too, I just thought it would be some fucking magical thing, and not a puzzle to put together. It's work and complicated, like this has to be done that way, and ... decisions are hard, and it isn't turning out like I thought it would."   
"How did you think it would turn out?"   
"Shit! I don't even fucking know anymore!"  
"Calm your tits and chill out babe. here let's do it this way." He dumped Karkat from his lap, who watched as he filed all the pictures away, closed the books and catalogs, and stacked them somewhere beyond Karkat's sight, Karkat blustering the whole time about needing this that or the other, but making no move to stop him. When that was done he pulled Karkat from the floor, laying them both down across the couch. Dave knew that Karkat thought best on his own, and was only hindered when a thousand other people's ideas were added to his brain. He also talked better if it was pillow talk, or close to it in this case. The late afternoon sun shone through the window onto the cuddle session.   
"Think for just a moment," Dave said, "and describe to me, what your wedding would look like."   
"But..."  
"Just do it."   
"Ok." Karkat paused and closed his eyes before speaking again," It'd be June. We'd be on the beach, on Jade's island, in the late afternoon, early evening. The ceremony would be small, only friends and Sburb players. All 23 trolls and seven kids, excluding me and you, and Calliope..."   
"Even Kankri?"  
"Yeah, even Kankri. He can come if he promises to keep his mouth shut. Damara can probably help with that." They both chuckled at Damara's and Kankri's matespritship.   
"Anyway... There would be 34 chairs, one for everyone, even for those standing at the alter, why not, a small isle with a white walk thing, and no alter, that shit sounds sacrificial, but an arch of red roses where we'd stand, along with the preacher, and Kanaya my maid of honor and Terezi my bridesmaid, John or whoever your Best Man. They can wear whatever they want, I'm not going to be picky about fucking pointless matching outfits. You and I however would wear black tuxes..."   
"Sure you don't want to wear a dress?"   
"No."   
"You'd rock the shit out of a dress though."   
"No shut up. Black and white tuxes. My cancer symbol on your lapel, and your time sign on mine. We'd walk each other down the isle. and stand across from each other, rings already on, and since he's the only guardian still alive, have Jane's luses read the vows, no need for a preacher. And as far as a party goes, I don't care if we have one."   
"Aw. But the party is the best part."  
"Do you wan the fucking party? It's your wedding too asshole."  
"Yes."  
"Then I'll let Kanaya know. She was asking to do it anyway."   
"As long as I get to DJ."  
"No."   
"Why not?"   
"Cause you'll be dancing with me nookwhiff."   
"I can do both."  
"Nope, I am, as you Leader and Lover, banning any time shenanigans from my wedding."   
"When did you get so stuck up your nook, Karkitten?"   
"Since forever? You knew this already."   
"K, fine. But I already got it mixed and everything."   
"I am not listening to Snoop Dogg, or Nicki Manaj at my reception."   
"Already knew that. So I got Barry Manilow, Celine Dion, Micheal Buble, Paramore, that stuff."  
"No shit really?"  
"Really."  
"Fine then you can DJ the damn party."  
"Yes! I'll just let you know there is probably a small percentage of will. i. am and maybe will smith, dubstep too, on there as well."  
"Damn you."   
"Hey you said yes."  
"I'll let Kanaya know." They sat in silence a moment, thinking of the future as the sun set, until Karkat sighed, "If only it were that easy."  
"It is."   
"Where do I even start?"  
"Just go with what you envisioned. write it down if you have to."   
"But..." Karkat let Dave hand cross his mouth shutting him up.   
"You're going in circles chocolate wafer. Start with the place and time. Then the guests. Then the Particulars. And if Kanaya's got the reception, then it's in the bag, okay?"  
"But with our luck something will go wrong."  
"Yeah and we'll get to that road when we cross it. For now we have four months until June, let's not worry about it, okay?"   
"That's not nearly enough time."  
"You want to move our fucking wedding later?"   
"No!"  
"Then cease the bride-zilla-ing, and let it be. We ought to move to the fun part of he planning anyway."  
"What fun part? So far none of this has been fucking fun."  
"The honeymoon, babe." Dave leaned and kissed along Karkat's neck.   
"Oh... umm...?"  
"Yes?"   
"I'll definitely need help planning that part."   
"How can I assist you sir?"  
"I think I need... STOP BITING ME... a prEVIEW of...*groans* ... shit strider. I forgot what I was going to fucking say."   
"I can't help you with your missing words problem but I can tell you what You're looking for is down the hall third door on you left."   
Karkat responded by smashing thier lips together. 

...

John watched as his two best friends kiss each other, sealing the deal. He stood on Dave's side, Kanaya and Terezi on Karkat's. The crowd full of friends clapped and cheered. It turned into cat calls as Dave dipped Karkat, his coattails dipping into the unexpected tide. John laughed as he and Kanaya pushed them upright and into the isle to have rice thrown at them. Together they led the party farther up the shore to the reception. John sighed and trailed behind. Six years ago he never though a game would bring so many people together. Three years ago he though he would never be this happy. He stared into the night sky, watching Karkat grow redder and redder, though from wine consumption or whatever Dave had been whispering into his ear all night, something about a dress John did not want to know about, he wasn't sure. Probably both. He smiled thinking of the cottage, afar off that newlyweds didn't know about yet. Everyone though it would be best for tonight since no one wanted to hear them, in Jade's almost finished castle, becuase all of them to live together in again. They were moving here permanently today. All it took was the first wedding of John was sure, many to come. 

"Some party huh?" John looked to his left to see Tavros, on two healthy legs, beside him.   
"Yeah, I guess."   
"You. um, don't look like you're having too much fun."  
"Oh I am. Just reminiscing."  
"Bout what?"  
"Anything everything. About how when Karkat hit on me first, and how sad I am I didn't jump that ass... I man chance!"   
"you're not really are you?" tavros blushed and snickered behind his hand.  
"Naw I'm kidding." Tavros turned his attention back to the party, calling for Dave and Karkat to get a room. But John's eyes lingered on the troll, ignoring the fact Dave and Karkat were practically fucking each other other dance floor, in depserate need of their cottage. 

Maybe I ought to reconsider that heterosexual thing, John thought watchign Tavros.   
Maybe my wedding ought to be next.

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations, you made it through that fluffy, sugar-coated, candy red, mess. Forgive me for the plot bunnies, they broke out of their cage and took hold and turned this mess into taffy, that stretched too long. Especially the deep-thought and JohnTav bunnies. They came out of nowhere.   
> As always.   
> Thank.   
> Criticism is welcome and come read again. ;)


End file.
